Jesus Loves the Little Children....All the Little Children of the World...

If you are going to read this post for an update on the adoption, then you are going to hear me praising my Lord.

My GOD is love.  He is tender and kind.  He hears the calls and the cries of little children at night and when all seems impossible and improbable, nothing is impossible for my God.  If he can split the sea, he can certainly stir the hearts of a family in Wisconsin for three little children in Uganda.  He can gently lead us into relationship with them in our hearts and have us desire to turn our world around, but when we are ready he can reveal his plan to us.  Father, you are so good.  You are so good.  You are purely good and how dare we ever think otherwise!   Thank you for touching each of our faces with your tender love.   Let us never forget who you are in reality.

As you probably already know, once we were about ready to request our court date to adopt Farouk, Fahad, and Zowena, in prayer I felt the Lord's gentle nudging to ask about the family.  I obeyed.  I continued to follow up asking about their family which lead to our agency going to Uganda in the past few weeks again themselves to find out further information on the family.  In prayer, I felt a turn that I hadn't felt before that He was letting me know that maybe we were being used to reunite them with their family.  At least, I no longer had the feeling that they were coming here to us.  I won't lie.  We were grieved as a family.    We could have just moved  with the adoption and forced it, but I knew inside that there was a shift and that wasn't what we were suppose to do; that there was a different path that we were heading down than the one I had hoped for in my head.  I just had to sit back and watch it play out.

We have technically still been moving along in the adoption and pushed to have more answers.  The Executive Director decided to take a needed trip to Uganda and while she was there, she would push for further information.

Tonight I received word back from her visit:

The mother still cannot care for them and supports them being adopted.  However there were many more layers of family members that were not previously known about when they were placed for adoption including the paternal grandparents. 

(Remember in Uganda, they don't go back and try to have conversations to follow up to get these children placed once they are put into orphanages.  They don't have those conversations until an external family is ready to adopt.  The easiest way for me to explain it is that our Adoption Agencies do the legwork of what we would consider the Children Services here at that point.  In our system, the questions of "Can they just go home would have been asked already.  Hopefully many times over and these obvious questions or concerns would be resolved.)

For these kids specifically, many extended family members didn't even know that the mother wasn't caring for them, nor did they know they had been in an orphanage all these years.  It turns out that the paternal grandfather is a medical doctor, and that he and his wife would like to take care of the kids.  So the three kids will be resettled with the paternal side of the family in the next 1-2 months.

So they are going home to live with grandparents.  (Praise you, Father.)

My heart ached so badly and since I am being honest,  it still does ache, but I sing for joy too because the Lord led us to a place to be of use for Him.  He can stir up our hearts, ask us to reorganize our world, he can push us to advocate at times it doesn't fully make sense, so that in the end, he can bring wholeness and restoration for these babies!  It really is a miracle that we got to be part of.  I might not  know any more to their story from here, or at least not this side of heaven, but it was worth it.

Here is what I know and have learned:  

• Farouk, Fahad, and Zowena will always be a little bit mine.  
• I will pray for them and love them all the days of my life.  No lie.  They are hidden deep in my heart.
• I consider us to honored and blessed to be used in this capacity as a family, even if it stung some along the way.
• That listening to My Father is the best thing that I could ever do and it has been just a gorgeous example for our kids of operating from a place of faith.  That it doesn't always "feel good" to be obedient.
• Uganda adoption practices are whacked and really needs oversight, and a rigorous restructuring.  Am I right?  C'mon, you know I am right!  We just have to go there.
• There was a reason that I always said from the beginning, "If it weren't these three, I don't think I would be doing it."  It was prophetic and I didn't know it.  
• We learned how much we love each other and our community.   
• We saw on paper and in our conversations with each other that we love our beautiful, zany life.
• How much support we have from other people in the good times and bad.

Thanking you all for your prayers and love.  I didn't expect this to have closure before we left out on our RV trip Part Deux, but its going to be great to heal some of these sore places in the big outdoors and looking into the big brown eyes that I already have as a part of my life.  .

I end this as I began:  Praise you, my Father.  You are love.  Nothing less than pure love.  You could never operate from a place less than love.    Thank you for the tear, that lead to the stirring, that got these kids home.  You will wipe every tear and restore all of us one day, if only we will let you and answer you to be in relationship with you.

The Big Red Panda

In May it will have been two years since we first set out for our summer road trip that took us across 24 states from Arizona to our final destination of Wisconsin.  Earlier that year I bought a 2003 Coachman Santara that I saw on the side of the road for sale and loaded up the kids and our dog Max and we started our grand adventure across the southern states and up along the eastern coast.  It was a wonderful experience and brought us closer together as a family as we traveled in the rig we affectionately nicknamed Fanny, because of her extra large booty. We had never done anything quite like this trip despite the fact that  I began traveling with the kids when they were just babies.  I can't even begin to tell you how many countries they have been to, but I can tell you that Mattie has a certificate that she was in the Arctic Circle by the time she was 2, which was a side trip off of Iceland.  I realized though that for all the traveling we had done, my kids had hardly ever even been on a car trip--maybe 3-4 hours tops.  As experienced as they were at travel, they had no idea of reality on how it should really look.  They thought travel meant following Daddy to nicer hotels and flying.  Hubby's work travel can come with its perks and an endless supply of sky miles, but there was so much that they missed out on by flying from one city to the next.  Plus I was seeing signs of them being spoiled travel brats and we needed that nipped in the bud!  In addition, I knew that summers were always challenging since its Pete's second most busy time of the year and we hardly got to see him, and so I loaded them up and we headed east.  I am very proud of the fact that I did it myself, although I also shake my head and wonder what in the world was that girl thinking, when I think of the first night that I pulled up in that 31 foot rig and the sun was going down and I had no clue how to hook up electric, sewer, or water.  Like Scarlett, I too relied on the kindness of strangers and in the KOA and other family friendly RV parks, there is never a lack of good people.

Nearly two years later we have settled into a home we love, in a community we love, and have a church family we love,  and we have 2 cats and 5 chickens, but the open road is calling us again.  The kids have often made comments like "Mom, we have explored everything there is about this house.  Can we go on a trip?"  I know it really is in their blood. There is something about our family that just gets even more connected when we go on the road.  It's like we all know that we have it in us, and we know it's unique to want to drop everything and just go.  (The key is to do it in a way that you are running towards the life and not away from anything.)  The very first time Pete saw the movie RV with Robin Williams and they met up with the Gornickes, he was hooked.  That was his nickname for us whenever we had an adventure. "C'mon Gornickies, let's go!", he would say.  It stuck.  It's kind of been our very own dream life.  Ha!  Here are the Gornickies performing their family theme song:

I am SO glad we started out with an older Class C.  It wasn't that much of an investment as RV's go and we got it well below blue book value.   Being in something not really made for us, made us think long and hard about what would actually work for us if we did it again and did it with true comfort in mind.  Fanny was the perfect RV for us to begin with and to make sure that we really did enjoy the lifestyle, but when Pete and our older son would join us there was no room to move.  It also was very dated, but she did her duties well.

Now we have decided to go ahead and upgrade Fanny for a new RV... (Actually we are going to keep Fanny for a bit longer and use her as a homeschool project to update with new flooring, paint, and we will reupholster her.)  ...In the meantime, we went ahead and have been shopping for our dream RV.  We found our dream RV this year down at an RV center Fort Myers and Pete just went down there a few weeks back to give him a test run and be sure it was everything we hoped he would be.  We are calling him Big Red Panda.  He is just shy of 44 feet of Class A lovin' and is a Newmar Dutchstar 4312.  It is one of the few plans that has a bunkroom in the back on a Class A.  Here's a pic:

Just kidding.  That is an actual Red Panda..and they aren't big at all...they are the size of a domestic cat.  I know, I am a dork and I can't stop being a homeschool mom for 5 minutes.. Okay here is OUR Big Red Panda....

So we have decided to hit the road again for the summer and not only take the hubby to his work trips in style (and a very loud entourage), but we are going to be stopping at destinations that work into what we have been studying in homeschool this year.  We are bringing the kittens, Chestnut and Pumpkin along.  The only thing that will be missing is Max.  How can you not love having this guy for a backup driver?

So anyway stay tuned for the Larsens hit the Road--Volume 2.  It should be a good time.  I can't wait to share it all with you again.  Talk soon!

Good Feeling Gone

Well, our adoption isn't looking very good right now.  I have had several weeks to process this and it's still not fully over, but I am going to try to update you all because an update is overdue.

I guess the easiest way to tell you is also how we had to tell our kids:  It's not a matter of can we adopt FFZ, but should we adopt them.  At the beginning of this we said we would prayerfully move forward as we are called and I believe we have, but there was a point where we began to have concerns.  I would be in prayer and it was like I got a tap on the shoulder reminding me that there was a birthmother that carried these children and loved them.  I asked questions about the birth mother's condition and got vague answers, which led me to ask tougher questions and received more answers that were just unsatisfying and before you know it I was praying for this woman and wondering what our role in the process really was.   I mean, could she actually parent these children?  I couldn't get a straight answer about her health.  Certainly with the amount of money that we were giving to the adoption process, it made one think that she could send them to school, feed them, etc if only SHE had those kind of resources.

Since we were adopting children whose parents were alive, we felt that we had a bigger obligation towards making sure everything was done properly.   We wanted to be fully sure that we weren't in the middle of anything inappropriate and unethical and as we pushed with more questions, we began to see the process of adopting in Uganda fully and the large gaping holes that come into play.  For example, these children have been in an orphanage for four years, and we were told are "paper ready" and certainly in need of a family, however the truth of the matter is that we haven't received any evidence that anyone has ever tried to check with the birth mother and reunite this family.  When questioned we are told "that's not my job'.

As a former single mother who struggled daily/weekly, I am not okay with the idea of bringing three children to a foreign country to be raised by a stranger--no matter how loving and willing--if the only concern is the financial position of this mother.  It begged the questions--Can she be helped?  Is she doing better now?  Has anyone even checked on her?  Is she a good and loving mother besides her former finances?  How in the world would I feel if my children were taken from me and raised by someone else because I was poor?

Once we asked these questions, we also found out that we had been lied to from the beginning.  We were told the kids were "paper ready", but then we found out that they are just going for the first time this week to let the mother and grandmother (where did she suddenly come in?) know that our family is interested in adopting their kids and ask permission for them to be adopted.  That isn't paper ready!  Paper ready is that they gave up the rights and for good reason.  Now we are being told that they won't even shine a light on the situation or ask any questions until their is an adoptive couple interested in the kids.  How can we ever be sure that these kids weren't trafficked?  How do we know that they aren't being paid or coerced somehow and these children aren't commodities?

I realized that Uganda has a huge gap in its process that we assumed would be there and that is in not having advocates for the children.  No one is there speaking for what's in the best interest of the children.  No one is unbiased.  As a matter of fact, looking at the whole process objectively, everyone in the process benefits financially if these children are taken away from their home and placed in the orphanage.

It was a harsh and painful realization.  To be sure of what my heart was telling me, I reached out to some people on the ground in Uganda and heard some distressful news about the orphanage and their ethics.  My heart broke in a million pieces.  Our house is adoption ready.  Toys are bought.  Their sheets are monogrammed.  The words I had read somewhere came to mind "adoption miscarriage".  Is this where we are at?

We aren't fully out of the adoption process yet, because our agency is going this week to speak with the birth mother and grandmother (yeah--now--finally) and it is my hope that God will work some miracle for FFZ.  My hope is that somehow their best interests will come to light and be carried out and I am willing to stay in long enough to see this get teased out for this family's sake.  Is there anything that they can say that will allow us to trust them that this was done properly?  We asked if we could hire independent investigators or even go there ourselves.  That is actually against the law in Uganda.

So here we are---waiting and hoping that the Lord will show himself in a profound way for these children.  We are hoping that our interest in them will somehow bring about some miracle for them there because now the spotlight is shown on them, and people are caring.  If we walk away, the fact is that the money walks away, and the spotlight would be gone.  So we stay here, for now, and wonder if  there is anything that could be said to make us trust that this is all on the up and up.  I am not sure what that could be at this point, but we ask that you join us to pray for everyone involved.

Lord, please please hear our prayer for Farouk, Fahad, and Zowena.  For their birth mother, for their grandmother and their family.  Father, you can turn ashes into something beautiful and we ask that your will be done with this family.  We ask that these children experience your love, that they receive bountifully of your provisions, and that if we are to have any further part in their story, that you show us the way.  We love you so very much and want to glorify you in every way with our lives.  Please show us.  In your name Jesus, Amen.

Call It Grace: Unspoken

It's the light that pierces through you
To the darkest hidden place
It knows your deepest secrets
But it never looks away
It's the gentle hand that pulls you
From the judgement of the crowd
When you stand before them guilty
And you got no way out

Some may call it foolish and impossible
But for every heart it rescues, it's a miracle
It's nothing less than scandalous
This love that took our place
Just call it what it is, call it grace
Call it grace

It's the breath that's breathing new life
Into what we thought was dead
It's the favor that takes orphans
Placing crowns upon their heads
It's the hope for our tomorrows
The rock on which we stand
It's a strong and mighty fortress
Even Hell can't stand against

Some may call it foolish and impossible
But for every heart it rescues, it's a miracle
It's nothing less than scandalous
This love that took our place
Just call it what it is, call it grace
Call it grace
Call it grace

Amazing, unshaking
This is grace, this is grace
Unchanging, unfailing
This is grace, this is grace

Some may call it foolish and impossible
But for every heart it rescues, it's a miracle
It's nothing less than scandalous
That Jesus took our place
Oh call it what it is, just call it what it is
Call it grace

Homeschool Upgrades

I have been asked if I plan on homeschooling the kids when they arrive from Uganda.  I truly have no firm plan for their education at this point because we haven't met them to know what their specific needs are; I am really open minded to what this may need to look like for them.  I see videos and have been told they speak English, but the primary language in Uganda is Lugandan and I believe that English is their second language.  I also have no idea how much education they have really gotten in the orphanage, so I am keeping all my options open--homeschool, public school, and a mixture in between because we don't know what they need specifically.  However the more I read the more that I am understanding that working on healing their hearts is our primary work for the first year.  I know firsthand how much quiet and centering it takes to heal your central nervous system after trauma, which is why some suggest homeschooling for children after they arrive here.  . We are also learning children and adults who have English as their second language, may need to adjust the expectation of what educational success looks like in the long run.  Since it takes 4-7 years to become fluent, it stands to reason that children who aren't native English speakers cannot really catch up with their native English speaking counterparts.  It's recommended that we focusing on their individual gifts including the fact that they are already bilingual and support them in keeping their native tongue.  

There are some really great blogs out there that give resources and suggestions for older children that come here having English as their Second Language, but I have quite a learning curve in front of me with that subject.

In the meantime, I realized that there are things we can do to make our current homeschool more up to date and fun.  The easier and simpler our homeschool gets now, the easier and simpler it will be when the other kids arrive this summer.  We use a ton of 'manual' book and workbook based curriculum each day and I do a great deal of teaching myself so I think all the kids would appreciate using more of the animated education options that are out there.   We consider ourselves an eclectic homeschool and if there is one thing I know about us is that we get bored if we do one thing for too long.  

Today I had the kids do the placement test for Teaching Textbooks math curriculum.  The boys were still right where I thought they were, but my daughter surprised me by testing a full grade ahead in math.  She knocked the test out of the park.  Way to go!  We've been using Horizons workbooks, but even I am bored with them, although I am so glad they are colorful and rigorous enough.  I went ahead though ordered Teaching Textbooks CD's and books for all three of them and hope that they enjoy them as much as I think they will.  Unlike IXL, there is the teaching component that will be beneficial as they move toward Algebra and more advanced math courses.  

The other area of our homeschool life that needed an upgrade was in Science.  We had been using The World of Animals and were getting ready to move onto The World of Plants.  We loved the fact that the books were written for multiple age levels and have learned so much about zoology, but I think we are all just bored with reading and question and answers.  I supplemented The World of Animals with the Complete Book of Animals workbook.  I highly recommend the workbook, but unfortunately there isn't one for plants to supplement the next book in the series and I just don't see us making it to the end of that book.  

However I have had my eye on the mothership of science curriculums for sometime.  Supercharged Science is a highly recommended DVD based program that was put together by a homeschool mother who is an an engineer and NASA astronomer.  She has different programs that vary in cost based on how what supplies you have her include with the curricula, and since I knew that Supercharged Science was something that I wanted the kids to do at least through the lower levels of high school, I went ahead and got her Mastery Program that includes the supplies for over 200 science experiments in it.  Somehow I have a feeling that CBL is going to have all of them done this year.   I am excited that her curriculum claims to be creation neutral which I think is a perfect choice for us.  

We teach the children creation, but also expose them to other points of view knowing that they will have to defend their own beliefs one day and we believe that there is no better time than now to help them with that.

Besides upgrading math and science, I decided to branch out and let the kids take an 8 week Elementary Grammar course through Time4Writing to see if they enjoyed a format where they are responsible to another teacher.  The Potter's School and Home2Teach also come highly recommended for ala carte style courses that they can take if this is a fit.  I know The Potter's School even has English as a Second Language courses in their repertoire, which may come in handy down the road.  

I'm excited to see how the kids fare on these new additions to our homeschool.  

Updated Passports for the Kids

Today we received the updated passports for our littlest kids in the mail.  US Passports are only good for kids in the US for 5 years so they have to update theirs more often.  It was so cute to look back on their old pics.

(They've grown so much.) 

Getting updated passports for the kids was somewhat of a formality.  We aren't sure yet if we want to bring them on either of the Uganda trips.  On the plus side they would be able to get to know and bond with their new siblings, but on the con side they would be subject to additional vaccines and taking anti-malarial medicine while they are there.  I am not an anti-vax person, however I am not loving the idea of having them take additional ones just for this trip that may or may not be useful otherwise.  

Mattie and Christian really want to go and it's not even a question in their mind--they think they are going.  To them "a shot is worth it", but ultimately it's our call and we know that we will have heritage trips back to Uganda in the future.  Most judges require adopting families to plan at least one "heritage trip" back to Uganda to educate the children on their Ugandan heritage as a condition of the adoption.  

My doctors gave me the choice to go on anti-malarial medicine years ago for a medical condition and I chose not to start it, so I am not as concerned about taking it myself.  It's just a hard decision to do it when the kids are still growing when it's really not necessary for them.

It may come down to a matter of the timing and finding the right circumstances for them with friends and family during those weeks.  If we decide not for them to come, families that are adopting often use Skype and/or FaceTime for the kids back home to get to know the new kids.  We might just end up going that route.  

Adoption Q & A: Some basics

Who?  

Unlike most families that adopt, but very much true to form for us-- we did this backwards.  We saw their faces and fell in love.  I will come back to this one later though.  Let me share a bit of our backstory.

Why?
Once upon a time a man named Pete met a single mom named Julie, but that's another story....  What is important is what happened on their first date.  He asked her out for lunch during the work week at Dave and Busters and she thought it was actually a business meeting, but that again is another story....Once she actually clarified that this was indeed a date, she and a very embarrassed Pete really began to get to know each other better.  The conversation started with her showing pictures of her precious five year old boy Will and they discussed their love of kids right away.  He told her right out that he had been considering adopting older kids relatively soon because he hadn't really found "the one" yet and he was already in his late 30's.  He had come from a family of six kids and had three biological brothers and two sisters that had been adopted at ages 5 and 7.  He loved kids and wanted them in the worst way, and only had wonderful thoughts when he thought back on his own family being expanded through adoption.  Julie had never planned to have more kids of her own--she was good with just having Will biologically, but she wanted to adopt one day too.   She thought to herself how loving his parents must be and therefore how loving he must be to welcome those girls.  That very night he went to his company Christmas party and was surprised to hear himself tell the crowd, "I think I have found the one!"

Well, they got pregnant quickly with David.  Then yet again with Christian, but during the time they were pregnant with Christian they decided to start the process of adopting a girl.  Thus began a three year journey into...well, nowhere really.  Despite bringing in advisors and researching countries and knocking on doors, every door seemed to be strangely and awkwardly not all that open.  Countries seemed to be closing their doors left and right and there were far more questions than answers.  Meanwhile they were discovering that their own biological children had special needs beyond what they had expected.  Julie's days were often filled with going to therapies, reading and trying to figure out what they needed.  Finally they just gave up the idea of adoption.  Julie had the epiphany that it wasn't really in the Lord's plan for them--at least not now.  Shortly thereafter they got pregnant with Mattie.  Joy of joys! The Lord had given them the most wonderful girl!!

2015:
You know this is us, so you won't mind if I stop talking in third person.  It's creepy.  Pete had been asking for more children for years, but I knew my health probably wouldn't allow it without more help and I really didn't want to hire anyone.  I was stable in my health, but adding more kids on to our already busy life was another story.  Mattie wanted siblings badly and Pete and Mattie would sit at night and talk about how cool it would be to grow the family, to which I would loudly say "As soon as Daddy comes off the road more, we can talk."  After many repeats of this scene, he said very sincerely that he was ready for the next phase of his life and that he knows that he is called to give back in this way, and it would be worth giving up part of his work for.

Further conversation together revealed that we both really felt that we were called to adopt older kids, ages 5-12, and that just like Pete's family--we thought giving a sibling set a chance to be together would be a great fit. We couldn't imagine anyone separating our kids.  We spent some time while watching the TV looking through adoption waiting lists.  Beautiful faces and stories that tore at our heart, but then we saw the three.  Boy, Girl, Boy.  Uganda adoption.  Currently aged 8, 6 1/2, 5 1/2.  The oldest boy was active and liked sports.  The girl was quieter and liked to play dolls.  The youngest boy was a charmer and he knew it.  ;)  Hmmm...that sounded familiar.

The kids saw them and begged us to say, "Yes".  Pete saw them and was there.  I needed to pray for a day or so, but the next day I agreed to send in the inquiry.  The ball pinged, then ponged, then pinged, then ponged. It was fast.  It was unlike our previous adoption experience.  A completely different feeling as well.

2016
We have spent the last few months preparing our hearts and our homes for these three kids.  Farouk (Rook), Zoey, and Fahad have been a part of our family.  We have beds prepared.  They had a stocking up in our house at Christmas this past year.   They have toys picked out just for them.  I spend my days praying over them and wondering how many more nights they will have to go without me stroking their hair and tucking them in.    I watch their videos over and over again, and try not to look at their photos too too often.  Their eyes are filled with light and I know first hand what it means to be called to love someone--or our case several somebodies.  The Lord has my mind wander through every maternal question about their lives now and in the past.  The strange thing is that from the beginning it was always them.  It was never a mystery.  I can't imagine this process without them in it.  We were so excited to get word this week that they remain "on hold" for our process to complete.

So when?
Since our order is somewhat backwards, we are still estimating, but we hope and expect it to be this summer.  We will need to go to Uganda twice.  Both trips will be approximately two weeks each and about two months apart, but in Uganda the timeline is not as firm as in some other countries.  For the first trip, Pete and I will both have to go and for the second trip only one of us has to go.  On the second trip, we will have custody of the kids and be able to bond with them in the hotel.  Will has graciously offered to join me for the second leg if Pete stays behind, which is a blessing too so he can get to know his new siblings better.  We truly hope it will line up to be during the summer because it will just be easier for David, Mattie, and Christian if this were to happen during that time, but also since Uganda sits on the equator we hope that Rook, Zoey, and Fahad can have as much time as possible to acclimate to the temperature before next winter.

I'll continue to lay out details, but that is probably plenty enough for tonight.  I wish I could share photos, but until they are fully ours then it is frowned upon putting their photos out for all to see.  They are just lovely.  I can't wait for you to meet them.